Manic of a lifetime

20

May 2 by The Running Son

Not this time friends...

Not this time friends…

I’ve held back, and I’m forcing myself to slow sown. Stop Rhyming.

I have a strong rhythmic loop in my head right now, and Im on one hell of a manic episode. It’s kind of perfect timing. Don’t believe me? read the poems I’ve wrote in the last 24 hours. And I have the longest one in sitting queue. But for the first time, I’m holding it back. I need to know if anyone understands my heavy rhyme patterns and multiple streaming metaphors, or the subject matter, or cares.

A few of you are starting to get to know me. I like that.  This is a part of my “disorder” even I have never experienced before.

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It’s ok.. right now I am ok. It’s still what it is, but a surprising benefit has been I am writing poetry like crazy (no pun) during it all, in a way I never thought I could I might add, and I am not going to inhibit it, I have decided.

I haven’t eaten today, but I’m going to force myself to. I’m worried about what some of the people out there that I respect are going to think as they see this Dionysian and energetic side of me come through.

I’m just telling myself it’s ok. There’s a lot going on. Father is dying, I may have had a small stroke, I’m stuck in the California desert, off my medication, on a manic, and I’m deathly afraid to talk to my dad, or my facebook friends who are quiet, and have been for awhile, and I feel bad for even writing this.

But I have promises I made (luckily a poetry “battle” with writingsofamrs) that I will keep. But just for tonight, the blog silence is deafening, and all of a sudden I am depressed again and I want to go to sleep. Only 3 hours last night.

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But I really want to memorialize this exhilarating and intensely emotional period, by creating art and writing poetry during it. It would be good. Let somebody get to know me. Even if I’m temporally a little “jumpy”. Might as well, since my writing voice is the only one I have right now, and it’s pretty loud.

One more thing. I’m not a serial killer, rapist, phony, drunk, drug addict (any more, addict that is) or ANYthing weird.

What can I say? Im just a normal everyday bi-polar RunningSon coming home, and the Father is Love, not to get confused. For myself, and for all. Sounds insipid, dont care tonight. Screw it.

Feel free to comment. The monolog is friggen over.

I hope the dialog has begun.

~Jim

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END

The Running Father Blog

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20 thoughts on “Manic of a lifetime

  1. […] •on the perminant record period publish and into the future i go •Poem: blurry picture poem •manic of a lifetime •poem: when i see you in heaven •Poem: an introduction •Poem: eye-poem •crash […]

  2. tarakianwarrior says:

    I believe I recognize parts of you…in me (and I don’t mean that in a nasty way).

  3. I really wish I had seen this at 3:30 when the drunk-and-high girl from upstairs was banging on our door, trying to get into our apt. We had to call the police, and I read a few things to try to calm down. I love stream-of-consciousness posts, especially in the middle if the night. They have a raw quality I cannot quite achieve.

    • All wasn’t lost. It’s morning and a new day. For you I mean. and the apartment girl and her drugged up blackout. For me? I need coffee to know for sure I’m still not sleeping.

      😉 Thanks Andra.

  4. Alisha Jael says:

    Do you do any Spoken Word or Slam Poetry?

    • Haven’t. Rhymes have been coming out fast and pure enough but live, up in front of an audience?

      That’s a different beast, as you obviously know.

      • Alisha Jael says:

        Indeed it is. I have done quite a few readings and I still get nervous every time but it is also an amazing experience that I am glad I pushed myself into doing. To see the audience experiencing your poetry is indescribable. You have some pieces that would be awesome “live.”

  5. Alisha Jael says:

    I have just begun to read your work, and I don’t really you know you, but after reading this post I wanted to say… Thank you. I appreciate honesty in whatever form it comes in. To gain a better understanding of who you are, your hopes, and your struggles, brings more depth to your work. I’m not bi-polar, though I have had several friends in my life who are, and I applaud you for focusing on love and art. Even without the struggle of being “diagnosed” with a alternative way of experiencing emotion, I look back on my life and feel like I’ve been riding a roller-coaster for as long as I remember. I am quite empathetic and feel things very deeply, which has caused a lot of personal struggle. I fell in love with poetry about 8 years ago and I do believe it saved my life. keep up the good work…stay focused on love…inspire the world.

    • I wrote a long reply in my pull down notification bar
      again and pooof disappeared. I hear all you say. And it’s inspiring, to know something as banal and self-involved as poetry and art has a hand in us getting healthy minded.

      Miracles just keep on coming.

  6. 1WriteWay says:

    I do enjoy your poetry and your writing overall. But I have to admit I’m worried about you … the bipolar life is a wild roller coaster ride. I know the manic phase can be wonderful because you feel so productive and energetic, but it doesn’t last. I don’t want you to crash and burn. And I bet your poetry and art would be just as wonderful if you never had another manic phase.

    • Well, 1write. I’m up, feeling OK. I want some coffee and to see what damage my neural firestorm caused. Thank you for you thoughts. Well founded, of course.

      dont believe for a second I think inspiration or salvation are to be gained by freaking out on a manic bender, itself.

      Believe me.

  7. I, my friend, enjoy everything you have to say, in whatever format you wish to express it! Hugs and blessings on your day! PS…I only had 2 hours sleep last night, if that makes you feel any better…see we weren’t alone!

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RFB editor Jim Aldrich, Joshua Tree CA 2013

RunningSon aka Jim Aldrich, Joshua Tree CA 2013 | This site is dedicated with the deepest gratitude to Dr. Cláudio Naranjo, whose writings gave me life.

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