Daily digest for December 28, 2013

8

December 29 by The Running Son


Daily digest for December 29, 2013

Two poles: Love and fear. Liberty and paralysis. Hope and despair.

When I began in WordPress in February 2013, I named my blog “The RunningFather” blog, after the parable of the Prodigal Son. Adoption, sexual abuse… something embedded the need deep within me to return to the troubled family that raised me and reconcile. Find redemption.

Union and separation. Acceptance and rejection. Risk, and pain abatement. In April, I found love, and a new purpose, and I moved home in August that I might reconcile with the only family I have.

Indignation and bitterness. Radiating ideals, meeting a tattered reality beneath receding flood waters. I was escorted from my parents house in September and asked not to return. My father’s cancer has since returned.

I decided to write Daily Digests this holiday to excise this despair and paralyzing behavior I have slipped into. Like others on WP, I live in a remote area, and blogging is my only social outlet. Blogging has again become necessary and essential for my emotional health.

There are bloggers who have reached out to me, and I am eternally grateful for them. However, my life has been one long call for “help”, but all the helpers are gone now. I cannot abide my own helplessness, and the only thing I know to do is attempt to write with boldness, and without self-pity. God help me.

©2013 JimAldrich

All Poetry by RunningSon, aka Jim Aldrich

.namaste.   -• ö.tH(ink)Mÿstiç •-   .namaste.

8 thoughts on “Daily digest for December 28, 2013

  1. Jim it is so hard to reconcile with family. I have done the same thing and came away from the experience I can’t say better then when I started but I’m certainly wiser. I believe I submitted myself to some pretty awful emotion abuse and I have always said that nobody can take you back fast and make you think you’ve made no progress like family. They seem to hold you in the same spot you held when you were 10. For me it was always the hell raiser, always in trouble, always saying things I shouldn’t say, doing things I shouldn’t do. Coming to realize that in some of their eyes I will always be the rebel and not the person that I have become today is/was very painful. I don’t have my people around me to rally when things get rough and that has been lonely and also gut wrenching but one thing I’ve learned from it is that I’m stronger then I thought I was and I’m getting stronger. Never stop writing and putting your heart out there because you never know what might happen in life! I think you are a tender hearted soul that need much love and acceptance [don’t we all] and I pray and hope that you find peace and love where ever you go. I don’t always comment but I follow you through my emails and I love your blogging! Don’t ever stop! I wanted to encourage you today! I hope I have. Sorry for the long comment! 🙂

    • Not at all Michelle, it’s the positivity I need most to hear. I have been practicing a sort of waking focus of thought, like purposefully clearing my mind when the fatalistic thoughts come, and it has helped me from sinking. But to hear encouraging ideas from other humans… very helpful… especially when my own affirmations ring hollow. Something for me to be sensitive to when I am feeling better again, facing others in pain. (= ty Michelle.

      • This is a good practice. I got this idea from Eckhart Tolle’s book the Power of Now. When I feel like that I focus on something real and alive, like a flower or my dog, or anything actually and then realizing that OH those are just thoughts, at first they aren’t because we have attached meaning to those thoughts but once you train your mind not to react to these thoughts then you can let them go and say to yourself Oh there’s that thought again. I tried this with one particular person/incident after about the 5th time I was able to just watch the thought travel in and it didn’t upset me like it did in the beginning. The mind is a powerful thing. I can imagine you have a lot of wonderful alive things around you to focus on. 🙂 Have a super day Jim.

  2. Morgan says:

    Thank You for Touching My Life with your Inspiration and Individuality. Your Posts Always bring a Smile to my Day.
    Blessings and Joy~

  3. Lead Our Lives says:

    Speak your truth…with compassion. Express that which needs to be expressed. Free yourself. Wishing you blessings of deep healing. Feel to heal. God will help you, for God is in you.

♫ Talk to Jim...

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RFB editor Jim Aldrich, Joshua Tree CA 2013

RunningSon aka Jim Aldrich, Joshua Tree CA 2013 | This site is dedicated with the deepest gratitude to Dr. Cláudio Naranjo, whose writings gave me life.

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